The secret habit that’s blocking your manifestations
When it comes to the world of goal setting, there are traits that we all know that have a huge effect on our ability to achieve our goals. Procrastination. Sure. The Fear of starting. Perfectionism. The fear of finishing. You’ve probably read and heard many articles and podcasts that talk about these two traits to great length. But no one is really talking about People pleasing. The great looming fear of being disliked.
As women we are socialised to believe that what other people think of us is our highest value. We are only ever as good as the nicest compliment we’ve received and being thought of as a “nice” person is high on the list.
A desired to be validated by the people closest to us can be argued as a normal part of the human experience. But when your subconsciously being driven by an overwhelming need to put the needs and wants of others before your own, our desire to be seen as nice can be the very thing costing you your goals.
“People pleasing can lead to distraction and lack of focus” Shares Jessica Boston, a cognitive, clinical and somatic Hynoptherapist. “Which in the moment might not seem like much, but if you find yourself in five years’ time not having achieved what you wanted, it won’t be difficult to become resentful”
As a coach that’s worked with 10’s of creatives to achieve their goals, like launching a candle business to creating 250 customers in 90-days, one of the hardest things to break out of is the expectations that other people place on us. The fears of our parents that we learnt to carry in our childhood and still carry as adults. The expectations of our mangers and co-workers in our day jobs. If the second job that women work is the household chores and running of the house, then the third is the subtle, and under the surface people pleasing that occurs in order to maintain the expectations of others. In other words, baring the weight of the status quo.
The strain on our mental health of these behaviours can be detrimental. I spoke to Jess Hellens, Founder of Wild Co-Working and she echo’s this sentiment “I didn't really realise I was a people pleaser until I went through a lot of therapy and when describing the situations I found myself in, or the feelings I was experiencing e.g. anxiety, low mood and depression were all because I was over stretching myself, giving everything away to other people and not keeping anything for myself”
When we put something on our vision board in the hopes that it will show up in the physical realm, we often want to think it’s as easy as a little elf dropping that dream car in the drive way, or being randomly selected to write a book or work with your dream brand.
Often, what’s really stopping us from creating the goals we want is not deficiencies in who we are but the things that are taking up the space that your manifestation could fill.
When our desires and our goals are put last because we too busy trying to meet the expectations of others by people pleasing there’s simply no space for your for your big goals.
If you’re struggling with this, this is what we dive into my coaching program Stuck to UnStoppable. Sign up now so you can grow the business you deserve